i have no idea what i’m doing…

“i don’t understand,” i sighed in frustration, “i have sent out numerous resumes and had multiple interviews yet not one single job offer.”

i went on to express to him that it seemed i was being led towards photography more and more with each passing day. every door that i tried to open was slammed shut and the door i kept trying so desperately to slam shut kept swinging itself wide open again. i confessed to him that i had still been viewing photography as more of a hobby than an actual business & vocation. i had continued to look for conventional jobs, deep down desiring the comfort and stability that i thought would accompany it. i was letting the fear of the unknown, that fear that i had spoken out against so many times before on this very blog, control who i would allow myself to be.

i confessed to him the need i felt to take photography more seriously, and he just smiled. and i knew exactly what that smile meant. being the amazing husband that he is, he had known this all along. he had known that photography was where my heart was, where my heart is, and he had known that it was where i needed to be. and being the amazing husband that he is, he didn’t say a word. he knew that when i was truly ready, God would show me where i needed to be, and all he had to do was sit back and pray and watch it all unfold.

after our conversation things began to change. my heart was finally where God wanted it to be and all of a sudden He began placing amazing opportunities in my life and showing both Chris and i what we needed to be doing in regards to my photography and how to do it. one of those was creating a Facebook page and i will admit, i felt like a fraud. how could i call myself a photographer when most of my portfolio was made up of family members i had bribed to let me take their photo? concerns of what others would think of the fact that i’m now taking myself seriously as a photographer swirled through my head until i realized that the thoughts and opinions of others matter none when it comes to doing what God has called me to do.

so i did it, i created a Facebook page and am now officially taking myself seriously as a photographer. and i feel like i have no idea what i’m doing, but that’s ok, because God knows exactly what He is doing

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One thought on “i have no idea what i’m doing…

  1. Proud of you! You and your photography are beautiful! While looking at the deployment photos I could see both your passion and compassion! You will go far… Sky is the limit!

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