i felt trapped, and i didnt know why. every shoot, i left feeling as though i failed, as though i wasn’t adding up, i wasn’t good enough. i had these poses in my mind, shots i desperately wanted in my portfolio yet i could never seem to produce them… as well as others had. and there in lies the problem. rather than allowing myself to be inspired by the couple i was shooting or the scenery i was in i was constantly attempting to create what others were inspired to create. i had lost all trust in the creativity God had given me and became completely consumed by what others were doing and how they were doing it. and i felt trapped.
the feeling didn’t stop at my photos either. as a new photographer i find myself working on a website, pricing structure and marketing plan, all of which seem to not match up to those i follow. and the feelings of entrapment paralyzed me.
i read trevor dayley photography’s post titled pinterest is ruining me today and it was me he seemed to be writing about. i took in his every word as he spoke and couldn’t help but feel incredibly vulnerable as he called out my every weakness. i decided on sunday to stop looking at others work, stop comparing myself to those more experienced than me and start letting myself be inspired by what i love, not what others love. and his post confirmed my decision while giving me practical steps to putting my decision into action.
while i fight the feelings i have of insecurity and questions of whether others will approve of what i do i’m excited to allow myself the freedom to be who i am and produce the work that is true to me. i’m ready to be inspired by life and can’t wait for what’s to come!
check out this sign i found on the streets of seattle this past weekend! i love it:)
on day two of Holli True‘s workshop oregon decided to bless us with rain. and not just rain, but rain coupled with temperatures that meant surely it should have been snowing, not raining. luckily we were blessed with an amazing model that braved it all and rocked it out while im sure she was frozen to the bone! here is Rachel; isn’t she beautiful?!
happy saturday all! my brother and soon to be sister in law drove up from oregon to stay with us for the weekend and we couldn’t be more excited. chris is on call from now until deployment which means if we want to visit family he has to get permission to leave. it’s made it a bit difficult considering we are so close with our family and cherish time with them dearly. so having them up here is definitely a real treat! we’re taking them around joint base lewis mcchord today and then up to seattle to enjoy pikes place and all the wonders that the city brings followed by church tonight! before we start our day though i wanted to share with you the concluding photos from our first day at Holli True’s Be Inspired workshop. once we had a chance to get some photos of the girls individually we were able to pose them together and this is what it looked like through my lens:)
Rachael and Kasse came together for our first day of shooting at Holli True’s BeInspired workshop. we had so much fun with both of these wonderful ladies. they had the warmest personalities and giggled all day long; their smiles were infectious. here is Rachael:)
it was surreal as i sat there, listening to her tell her story to a room full of photographers. replaying the day she bought her first camera, the day she realized photography was to be more than a hobby, and the day she bravely stepped away from her 9-5 job and committed to being a full time photographer. it was surreal as i sat there, looking back, humbled that i had the opportunity to watch her grow into exactly who she is called to be today.
i can’t really tell you how it happened to be honest but through working together at a less than desirable job, and dreaming of a more glamourous life, she became a dear friend. and as she grew and experimented with photography she became not only a dear friend but a mentor, inviting me to tag along with her and her husband to weddings as well as engagement shoots, and even made me step in front of the camera a time or two, or three. she quickly became our family photographer, photographing my brothers senior photos, my sisters senior photos, pre deployment photos of chris and i, and most recently we had the honor of having her photograph our wedding.
i had no idea at the time the seeds she was planting in me simply by living out her dreams and inviting me to join her. and as i sat there listening to her tell her story to a room full of photographers i was speachless. she had invited me, yet again, to tag along as she lived out another one of her dreams, holding a photography workshop.
i joined holli for her BeInspired workshop in portland and it was surreal. she has been such a blessing to my life and i was truly proud to see her sharing her life, her heart, her gift with other photographers, cheering them on to be exactly who they are called to be.
we had the opportunity to hang out with some truly gorgeous girls that day, putting into practice all that holli had taught us. here is what i captured of Kasse.
“i don’t understand,” i sighed in frustration, “i have sent out numerous resumes and had multiple interviews yet not one single job offer.”
i went on to express to him that it seemed i was being led towards photography more and more with each passing day. every door that i tried to open was slammed shut and the door i kept trying so desperately to slam shut kept swinging itself wide open again. i confessed to him that i had still been viewing photography as more of a hobby than an actual business & vocation. i had continued to look for conventional jobs, deep down desiring the comfort and stability that i thought would accompany it. i was letting the fear of the unknown, that fear that i had spoken out against so many times before on this very blog, control who i would allow myself to be.
i confessed to him the need i felt to take photography more seriously, and he just smiled. and i knew exactly what that smile meant. being the amazing husband that he is, he had known this all along. he had known that photography was where my heart was, where my heart is, and he had known that it was where i needed to be. and being the amazing husband that he is, he didn’t say a word. he knew that when i was truly ready, God would show me where i needed to be, and all he had to do was sit back and pray and watch it all unfold.
after our conversation things began to change. my heart was finally where God wanted it to be and all of a sudden He began placing amazing opportunities in my life and showing both Chris and i what we needed to be doing in regards to my photography and how to do it. one of those was creating a Facebook page and i will admit, i felt like a fraud. how could i call myself a photographer when most of my portfolio was made up of family members i had bribed to let me take their photo? concerns of what others would think of the fact that i’m now taking myself seriously as a photographer swirled through my head until i realized that the thoughts and opinions of others matter none when it comes to doing what God has called me to do.
so i did it, i created a Facebook page and am now officially taking myself seriously as a photographer. and i feel like i have no idea what i’m doing, but that’s ok, because God knows exactly what He is doing
every once in a while a person comes along that breathes life into our lives, that is running the same direction, with the same dreams, desires, and passions as us. these people are few and when they come into our life it’s as though a fire has begin to burn under us. they inspire us to do more, be more and dream bigger than we could ever imagine. one of those people in my life right now is Marissa Lynn. her and i have know each other for years and for her and her husband to get stationed at the same base as my husband and i is a complete God send (especially considering Washington was around number 12 on their list of desired locations). her passion and creativity is infectious and just what i need in my life right now.
i had the amazing opportunity to tag along with her today as she embarked on a new adventure. and we had such a great time! she is an incredible lady and doing great things and i am so honored to be able to be a small part of it all. check out what she’s up to here!